Holding Back (2009)

This piece is about holding onto that part, that little thing that we can’t seem to quite hand over to the Lord. I kept thinking about this quote from C.S. Lewis as I painted,

“The principle runs through all life from top to bottom. Give up yourself, and you’ll find your real self. Lose your life and you’ll save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favorite wishes every day and death of your whole body in the end: submit with every fiber of your being, and you will find eternal life. Keep nothing back. Nothing that you have not given away will ever be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in” (Mere Christianity).

Why do we hold to the things we do? What are we afraid of? A wise person once said that the most important commandment is the one you’re having the hardest time keeping. This is so true.  Maybe this painting was such a struggle because this concept truly is a difficult one. Hm.

9″ x 12″ oil on panel